does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize