It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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