Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
