I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
