i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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