my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
