You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
