since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize