So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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