my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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