There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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