I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
