woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
