dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
