How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
