i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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