I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize