You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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