I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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