The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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