the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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