that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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