I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
