piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
