Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
