i just google imaged poop.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
