Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
