it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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