K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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