Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
