You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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