I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
