fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
