i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
