I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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