Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
