i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
