Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
