my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
