OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
