Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
