bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
