Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
