He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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