mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
