He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
