Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
