Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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