I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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