i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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