i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
