the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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