Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I've blown a few things in my day
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
