i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
