you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize