he thought i was a dude.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
