That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
