Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Vodka?
Forever.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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