So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
