i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize