I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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