i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm too high and old for this...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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