My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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