If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
