I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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