just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
