youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
