I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He felt like a one man threesome
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
