Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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