I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
