After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
