I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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