Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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