careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Semen is not good for contacts.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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