70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
