you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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