Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
